As told by yours truly.
First things first, I will address the elephant in the room: There is NOTHING wrong with being single in your 30s. Or 40s. Or ever. Many people have this notion that if you’re not married with children, by a certain age, that there is something wrong with you.
Yes, I loved being married. I will do it all over again when the time is right and with the right partner (must be a kind human, must be self aware, must love cats, must love dogs, must love pancakes, must always make sure there’s ample peanut butter in the house).
I also think it’s great to be married with a family, even more-so, when it is with the right partner.
I also think it’s great to be single and to use that time to your advantage.
Being single in my 30s is completely different than eleven years ago when I was in my lower 20s. The perk of being a 34 year-old woman, besides the fact that I am alive and made it this far (I appreciate every single day), is that I truly know myself now; I’ve come into who I truly am, unapologetically. I’m more aware. Which also means I know exactly what I want, what I don’t want and what I can offer to another human. So, you’d think this means now that I am ready to start dating again, after taking a long while to work on myself, it should be a cake walk, right?
What is “no” for $1,000, Alex?
Truth is, the more you know your value, the more complex it can be to date. However, settling, with anything in life, is never an option.
I am not one for New Year’s Resolutions, however, in 2018, for my singles, maybe it’s time to maybe make some dating resolutions. Shall we?
- Ditch the app. Personally, they’re not for me; I prefer to meet someone the “old fashioned way.” With the new year comes a new influx of people trying apps. Dating apps can already be overwhelming, you can spend countless hours swiping, judging people based on a tiny bio that states your age, college education and occupation (way to judge the quality of a person!), you may even have conversations that go nowhere. Or maybe it will lead to a date! Which brings me to my next bullet…
- DO actually be single. Mashed potatoes are amazing but being a “side piece” is not.
- DO be honest. If you are out on a first date with someone and you don’t see it going anywhere, don’t agree to a 2nd date and definitely do not ghost. It’s really rude and only helps youavoid having what can be perceived as an uncomfortable situation. Maybe the other party feels the same way. If anything, you made a new friend.
- DO talk to more people! What do you have to lose? Maybe a friend of a friend knows someone. Maybe your office’s cute FedEx delivery guy is single (make sure to bend and snap). Maybe your gym crush has a crush on you, too. Maybe your barista knows how to make your latte just how you like it for a reason. Basically, be social.
- DO go to new places and try new things. The same old places will have the same old faces. Mix it up.
- DO Join Meetup. It’s a great site to link you to others who also have the same interests as you. You can make new friends with similar interests and possibly meet someone. Having similar interests is a good foundation for a great relationship.
- DON’T go out with someone if you already know you’re not compatible; DON’T go for the sake of going. Don’t waste anyone’s time.
- DON’T “slide into the DM’s” as the kids say. Instagram direct messaging is uncomfortable; it makes me feel like the original sender is sending everyone messages. For me, unless it has to do with my writing or hobbies, please don’t do it.
My face every time I get a direct message from a man.
- With that, DO communicate by more than just text message. A quick exchange of a few messages is fine, a little “check in” during the day is always nice, maybe an exchange to make quick plans, but always pick up the phone for better communication. Hearing a voice and expression is refreshing especially in 2018.
With that, finally, DO be ready to date, DO understand that there is always more than what meets the eye, DO be emotionally available, DO be yourself (says the human who snorts when she laughs when something is really funny), DO understand that (like anything in life) great relationships take honesty, time and effort.
Good luck to all of those who are ready to put yourselves back out there this year.
All of my love,