So, I have a habit. Okay, well, I have a lot of habits as you may know by now and most are genuinely good. For instance, one of my habits is that I listen to Ted Talks while I get ready to go somewhere. Over 4th of July weekend, I was listening to Anne Lammot’s “12 truths I learned from life and writing.” It clearly resonated with me. As I was listening to Anne speak about her 12 truths, I found myself laughing, nodding and even speaking some words like “wow” and “that’s for damn sure!” out loud. To some, as a thirty something year old woman, living alone in a decently sized house, surrounded by three pets, this may be odd behavior. However, I find myself talking to myself quite often. What can I say? A lot of the times I find my best advice this way. I also found myself thinking about 12 truths and things that I know for sure. And here we are. I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible.
- As you can tell by the title: Not every L is a true loss. This is one truth that it took me awhile to comprehend and I would lie if I said sometimes I don’t get stuck. I am human; it’s normal. Whether it’s a job, a personal relationship, or a smoker’s last pack of cigarettes, not everything you lose is a loss. More times than not it’s the beginning of a clear pathway, an opening, to a place where you’re SUPPOSED to be. What you choose to do with this clear path is entirely up to you. You can stare at the beginning of it and refuse to walk, ignore the signs, or shrink back into comfort or you can start the new journey and see for yourself what the Universe has in store. If you do, you’ll see exactly why what you had, or thought you wanted, was taken away from you.
2. Happiness is a choice, I will agree, but depression and anxiety are not. If you’ve ever lived with any type of depression or anxiety, choosing to be happy is a hard a** choice. I have diagnosed high functioning anxiety and I’ve had my stint with depression. As a personal choice, I refused to medicate. I have outlets that have truly helped me and changed my life. Working out helps me. Meditating helps me. Writing helps me. Some people do not have this ability, to self manage their anxiety or depression, and for those who don’t I understand you and I understand you can’t choose happy all the time. But I will tell you this: You have to TRY. Which brings me to number 3…
3. If you’re trying, you’re not failing. I don’t care if it’s knitting, running (hey, when I started I was running ten minute miles, I didn’t get to sub8’s over night and I surely have very off days), a new job, a new dish that you’re cooking but ruined or marriage. If you tried and worked at it, it’s not a failure. You actually succeeded at trying and that’s something that most people don’t even do because they’re so scared of failing. So, go you, get down with your bad self for being brave enough to try!
4. Every day is a “Day 1.” You can start over at any time you want.
5. What is good for me, isn’t good for you. We are not the same. And vice versa.
6. Facebook sucks and filters have ruined most (not all) people’s faces. Most people don’t truly care about what’s going on in your life. Facebook seems to have become a subliminal platform, for adult comparison if you let it, which more times than not leads back to my number 2. A lot of women and men rely on heavily filtered or photo shopped photos. That’s fine, but it’s NOT real. If you laser focus on this it will also lead back to my number 2. I repeat, do not laser focus on this. Do not compare.
I do, however, love Instagram, I love looking at pictures, families, running pages, bloggers, home inspiration, I love the community it has made.
Double tap, hashtag heart.
7. Writing is therapy and people need to know they’re not alone. Why do you think I am here? Write your truth. Write your story. Just make sure you’re not the s*itty person that gave someone the reason to write.
8. Make better mistakes tomorrow. We’re all going to make mistakes, there is no doubt about that. But learn from them. LEARN FROM THEM. I’ve made my share and my God, I’ve learned. And make better mistakes tomorrow. Because you WILL make mistakes tomorrow, as well.
9. Family is your tribe. Your friends are the family that you don’t get to pick. My Dad, ironically, always said, “you can pick your nose, you can pick your ass, but you can’t pick your family.” I can honestly say that I am so grateful for the family that I do have. Sometimes they make your brain numb but if, at the end of the day, you have a family to go to, thank your lucky stars.
10. Don’t try to save people! They cannot be saved. It will drain you and leave you empty trying to help save someone that doesn’t want to be “saved.” They will save themselves when they realize something isn’t working right in their lives. And If they never do, so be it. Leave them be. Save yourself. Have a latte.
11. Take care of your health. Your body is your best friend. You will be sorry when things aren’t working the way they once did. Don’t leave yourself shit out of luck. Eat well, work out, don’t smoke, walk that extra mile, drink water and mind your damn business. (Mental health is a part of health!)
12. Believe in something. Even if I do go to Church, I am personally not one for beating the books of organized religion. I believe in the Universe. I believe in the spirit and soul. I believe in a higher being. I believe in positive and negative Karma.
13. Grieve. Grieve whatever you must. People are going to pass away, divorces may happen, relationships will end, things that you love WILL be taken away from you. Grieve; it’s healthy. Cry, scream if you must but then fill those cry lines with Juvederm and move through it. There isn’t a time limit for grieving but, like rock bottom, visit it, but don’t stay there. Pick yourself up and move on. Your whole life is out there waiting for you.
14. Putting on weight is a lot easier than getting it off. Trust me, those cookies don’t care what the hell you’re going through in life.
15. Intuition is a real thing. Listen to it. If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. They’re stupid.
16. You never know who you’re inspiring. Thank you to my Boston girlfriend, Jen, for being the one to point this out to me. But never forget, you’re also an inspiration to others. Check out her journey at https://wifingishard.wordpress.com/