Today I am going to take a quick twenty second timeout from all things lifestyle and health. Whenever I jot down ideas to write about, I always have one thought in mind: I wonder who I will be relating to directly? Will anyone be happy that they read my post? Will they apply it to their own life somehow? After all, like all bloggers, I want to relate to people; it’s my main goal. For a long time, I thought about writing about my personal relationships in my life. I like to have boundaries, however, by the same token, I want to relate to people because I know there are other people like me out there. That is what blogging is all about. I believe I can do both.
Before I divulge into this post, I want to preface it: These are my feelings. This is my journey. Some of you know it, most of you don’t. We all have a life that others don’t see, forget about or understand: This is mine. I will still have boundaries because I believe in them and I respect all parties involved. Mother’s Day is a day where we take the time to honor the women who carried us for nine grueling months, delivered us into this world, and took care of us as best they could and knew how to. The vast majority of all florists do most of their work this weekend, resturants are booked solid for brunches, the CEO of Hallmark is making it rain, Mom’s everywhere are thankful for being recognized by their families for keeping their kids alive and homes in order (for at least one day!). Then there are women (and men) like myself: My Mother isn’t present in my life. My Mother is alive but as of Memorial Day weekend this year, we will not have spoken for two years. My Mother and I have always had a tumultuous relationship, there is no denying that, but since that weekend, my phone calls and texts have gone unanswered. While everyday is hard (there isn’t a time that I can remember where I haven’t cried in a restaurant bathroom, after seeing a mother and daughter having lunch together), Mother’s Day is one of the hardest.
Children, no matter their ages, are sharing their favorite photos of themselves and their Mom’s or sharing what they’re doing that day, for their mothers. For me, Mother’s Day is another day that I grieve (grieving is exactly what it is) a relationship that is the most powerful on earth but, for me personally, cannot be maintained. At my age, it has become especially excruciating: I am unable to call my mother and tell her about a promotion that I received at work, or my new blog post, or how I got into a car accident and it finally wasn’t my fault. I can’t stop in and have a glass of wine, with my Mom, and discuss how I totally messed up the cake I baked the other night, or to laugh about something stupid that I did when I was younger, or to laugh about something stupid that I did yesterday. She’ll never again remind me about how she feels I look terrible as a brunette (my natural color, no less) and how she prefers me blonde. I’ll never get to roll my eyes, head in hands, while trying to get her off the phone so I can finish my food shopping. Who knew that some days I would actually miss that? I don’t have that one person who will hold my hand while I deliver a baby one day, if I ever get to that point in my life (I will not lie, this missing relationship has greatly affected my plans).
Adult life is hard. Really hard. Without a Mom by your side, the effects are boundless, and it’s fight or flight. There are more days than not where I feel like I am all alone in this world because my parents are missing. Friends, other family members, and my therapist will tell me, “you’re not alone, you have a whole team of people behind you who love you.” That may be true, I am not alone at all and I am thankful for the reminder, nevertheless, without your Mom in your life, you ultimately feellike you’re alone in the world.
While this situation has taught me how to be strong, the strongest I’ve ever been because I’ve had to be (OK, my workout regimen has me pretty strong as well) it has also taught me other important details: Mother’s Day is everyday, because everyday that I haven’t had my Mom, I’ve missed whatever relationship we did have. All the stresses and karmatic experiences considered.
Children, young and old: While Mom’s totally drive us insane (I wouldn’t be writing this and my therapist wouldn’t be cashing in on me once a week if they didn’t) take care of your Mom and not just on one day a year. Be grateful for the relationship that you have. My relationship was too turbulent to be survived, for many reasons, so if your Mom is pissing you off because she is telling you when and how to feed your baby, let that sh*t go. Smile and nod. Roll your eyes on the other side of the phone.
- Be grateful that you can drop off your kid(s) while you go out on a date night.
- Be grateful that they changed every s*itty diaper you wore and would most likely wipe your tush now if deemed necessary.
- Be grateful for her dealing with your crying if you were a colic baby (so sorry about that, at least I was cute).
- Be grateful for the times that she made you dinner when you didn’t have time to make it yourself.
- Be grateful that she was there to listen to you cry over that last breakup while plotting the death of your ex in her head.
- Be grateful for her having your room made up when it was time to move back home after attempting to live on your own the first time (or second, or third, hopefully not a fourth).
- Be grateful for every baseball/footballs/softball/soccer game she attended and rooted you on even if you were the worst on the team.
- Be grateful for every time she took you to the ER.
- Be grateful that she was there to stink eye the sh*t out of the town bully that picked on you. I bet they never picked on you again.
- Be grateful that maybe she paid your cell phone bill when you weren’t looking because Sallie Mae never stops looking for you.
- Be grateful if you don’t know who Sallie Mae is because your Mom made sure of that. Be extra, extra grateful for that.
- Be grateful if you were taught how to balance bills and you handle both on your own with no issue. (I’ve been working since I am 14, can retire now?)
- Be grateful for all the times you never had to worry because she took on all the worry in the world for the both of you. I bet you don’t know 3/4 of the worry.
- Be grateful for everything even it seems like nothing.
To all of the amazing Mama’s out there, friends, family, and my followers: Happy Mother’s Day! Enjoy every second of being honored this weekend and hopefully everyday.